Deadpool is known for communicating directly with the reader or viewer, Ryan Reynolds loves Deadpool I Seriously Need A Speed Bump Between My Brain And My Mouth Shirt. As if talking directly to them. He will often stop or turn to ”you” and make a comment about what’s happening, discuss the fact that the writer is doing a crappy job, grumble about the budget for the movie or that the producers were too cheap to put more X-Men in the movie, didn’t have the budget to do better CGI, make pop-culture references that the characters on-screen have no knowledge of, etc. He does this in the comics, too, chastising the editor, artist or writers.
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First off, he’s no longer immortal. The universe got rebooted recently and that curse hasn’t happened in the new continuum. Now, how do you kill someone who can heal from being turned into ashes? Well, we need to decide what does “kill” mean. Generally speaking, to kill someone is to cause their heart to stop beating. That’s usually all there is to say about the word kill. With comics however, you generally have to go a bit further than that. Characters do come back from being killed, but it does usually “count” as a kill if that happens over a longer period of time. 5 minutes doesn’t count, but weeks or months does seem to count. The thing about Deadpool is that he’s reckless. He doesn’t do a lot to protect himself since he knows he’ll heal from it. So I’d make sure he didn’t heal from it. The only hard part is the first kill. It’s not necessarily difficult, as I said he’s fairly reckless. But with traps and such it’s certainly doable.
After I kill him I’d quickly get to work. First off I’d tie him up real tight. Then I’d shoot him in the head (again?) to make sure he stays dead a little while longer. Even if he’s tied up he’s still rather dangerous. Next I take him to a mortuary, stopping occasionally to shoot him in the head, heart, and lungs. Once there I’d shove in and cremate him. Yes, I know he’s healed from that in the past. Yes, I believe he could heal from that again if it’s what the writers wanted. Once I had possession of his ashes I’d put them in a very small container. Hopefully that would give me a little time for the next step. The next step would be to mix the ashes into cement. I’d spread the ashes out so that there wouldn’t be much of his ashes in any one place. Then I’d take the resulting slab of cement and toss it in a deep part of the ocean. The concrete should prevent him from healing, but if it doesn’t then maybe the pressure and lack of oxygen on the ocean floor would also keep him “dead”.
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Hmm, interesting question. Let us do a small thought experiment – if his arm cuts off, will he grow another arm, or will he grow another body? It is obvious, right? If you cut him horizontally in half, his upper body will grow new legs, because, well, that’s how regeneration in lizards works too. They grow limbs. So we can guess that his mutation isn’t controlled by skin or bones or blood, but by a major organ, like brain. One of the sides of his brain controls this mutation, and logically that side would heal. Although this is very messy and unclear of an explanation. More logical part would be, where the two halves crawl to each other and sort of get reattached..gory as it sounds, I think I remember similar instances from comics, though I can’t recall when and how. Incidentally, there’s a villain called Evil Deadpool. who is basically made from putting together various parts cut off of the original Deadpool. They combined together, regenerated the missing parts and came to life! Wow….
Marvel has a character named Death, which is basically Marvel’s personification of Death. If you play the Deadpool game, or even watch it’s gameplay video on YouTube, you can see the kind of relationship Death and Deadpool share. Deadpool and Thanos both loved Death. When Death started reciprocating those feelings for Deadpool, Thanos cursed Deadpool to be immortal, so that Deadpool can never be with Death permanently. So every time Deadpool has a near death experience, which basically involves him bleeding out, he meets Death for a short time. In the Deadpool game, Deadpool is cut into two halves horizontally, and bleeds out before he could find his lower body and attach it to his upper body. Because of this near death experience, Deadpool meets Death. Death wanted Deadpool to do something for her, and hence joins Deadpool’s upper body to his lower half. If Deadpool is cut in halves vertically, and he bleeds out before he can pull his body together, he will meet Death, who can either keep Deadpool in pieces, or has to join him. He won’t regenerate his body parts in such a case, because he will bleed out before the complete body parts would grow. I’ll try to add screenshots and links as soon as I can.